Parenting an Incarcerated Son or Daughter

My 25 year old son Anthony, is in prison!  No, I did not give birth to him.  He is my step son, but I do not believe in the word "step" anything.  I believe when you marry someone, their children become your children, and besides, the worry, fear, pain and agony that pierces my heart for Anthony on a daily basis does not know whether I carried him in my womb or not.  His biological mother is deceased, so I take my role as his "mom" VERY seriously. 

I am not sure how many of you mommies have children who are locked up, and quite frankly, I hope the number is not that large.  I know that life is choice driven and that many times the choices we make can lead to unwanted outcomes, but that does not lessen the concern I feel daily for him.  I am learning that my role is still to love him, write him, encourage him, visit as much as we can, but most importantly, PRAY that Gods will be done in his life.  I often wish I had millions of dollars so I could hire the best litigation "dream team" in this world to help lessen his time because his sentence is extremely long.  But the reality is, right now we do not have that kind of money.  So what do you do when as a parent you want to sooth all of your children's pain?   

I had to realize that I am not the source.  God is Anthony's source.  My role is to do all I can do in the physical for him without letting fear, worry and anxiety rule me, and BELIEVE that God will do His part.  Should I still speak with lawyers? Yes.  Should I still write him, visit him and encourage him?  Of course.  But should I place his entire cross on my shoulders to carry, thus stopping me from carrying my own cross, no!  At the end of the day, Anthony is an adult and that being the case, there is a certain amount of responsibility adults must operate in.  We parents must do all we can do to assist our children, but having done all to stand, we must allow God to be God!

God Led Me RIght Out of Despair!

Last Sunday I found myself at a church I had never visited, standing at an alter I had never stood before, with the only familiar thing being the tears streaming down my face. It was 7:30am and I told my husband I was going to Starbucks to work on some things.  I had been feeling VERY down and heavy in my heart and soul all week and I had no explanation why except that this was a battle that flesh and blood could not win.  I left the house at 8:30 AM, sat in my car and felt like I wanted to cry.  My first stop was the McDonald's drive thru for a # 4 breakfast meal with a medium coffee.  Then I proceeded down 295 South thinking I might attend the church my family and I usually attend.  As I was driving, Hope Christian Church popped in my head.  The only reason I knew of this church was having heard their Pastor speak on 105.1 FM a few times.  I always enjoyed the word he would preach and teach.  I had NO idea what time the services began, or anything.  I had on my jeans, top and sneakers, but I did not care.  My heart was being led and I was not going to let my Saturday clothes stop my Sunday blessing.

As I drove up I saw other cars driving in also.  I parked, walked in and asked the lady, "what time does service start?"  She said "9:30" and it was 9:20!  I knew God was about to do something powerful.  I rushed to the restroom and time I entered the sanctuary, I knew I was at the right place. Worship was taking place!  After about 10 minutes, the Bishop said out of the blue, "If you have been struggling with anxiety and depression come up!  Honey, you would have thought I was running in the Olympics.

As I stood there praying, weeping and thanking God for leading me to my miracle, I knew that I had power over the negative things I was feeling.  Yes, I know that the causes of depression and anxiety vary, but for me, it was a spiritual hold that was finally broken.  As I stood there I felt something lift spiritually, but I also knew in my gut that I had to do my part to stay free.  I had to receive by FAITH that depression does not rule me and I also have to keep my heart and mind saturated in Gods word.  Taking more time to read His word and pray as well as speak faith filled words over myself.

After the amazing sermon, I walked out of there different.  I grew up in church all my life and have been in many prayer lines, but this time was different because I left there knowing Gods role in my deliverance and my role in maintaining it.  I also believe that talking with a qualified Counselor is a great way to fine tune ones peace of mind.  So what does this have to do with being a mom?  Well, I know there are numerous moms, Godly moms who may have the same struggle I had, and if you do, know that God will lead you to victory.

Be Blessed,
Angela

My 318 lb Life!!

 A few days ago when  I was at the gym working the ArcTrainer like a true champion, I caught myself doing something that I trained myself to do from years of being obese and invisible to many men.  I found myself turning my head in the opposite direction when I saw a man walking my way.  You see, I learned to do this years and years ago as a way of not feeling the rejection that some men would blatantly throw my way when they saw me.  It became a defense mechanism and a way to sort of dis them before they dissed me.  Yes, I always had a pretty face, and was constantly reminded of that fact, but what followed was always, "You just need to lose weight."

I could fill a book with the mean, ignorant, and hurtful words and phrases that people, particularly men said to me and about me.  I will never forget the time I was on a lunch break while working at a store in the mall when I was much younger.  I was feeling really good about myself that day.  I had on a red skirt and top and was waiting in line at taco bell for my order.  I guy was in line behind me and I dared not turn to look in his face in fear he would think I was interested and reject me due to my weight.  I overheard him talking to another guy who walked up behind him.  They must have known one another and were exchanging pleasantries and reminiscing about their past, when all of a sudden one of the guys asked the dude behind me, "Hey is that your girl there?"   And the guy responded quick as lightening, "NO, I like my women thinner than that!"

Well, today, I am much older, much wiser and much thinner, but I found that the residue from being mistreated as an overweight woman, surfaces at times, like it did in the gym a few days ago.  I had to remind myself that first of all, who gives a DARN if a man likes what he sees or not.  I have a WONDERFUL man who fell in love with me when I was 318 lbs and is reaping all the benefits now that my body has changed shape.  Second of all, turning away does not protect me from rejection because beauty is truly in the eye of the beholder.  Lastly, I noticed that when I began to not look away, I realized that some of those guys were actually checking me out.  Was I flattered? Yes, but most importantly, I was proud of myself.  I NEVER let the years of rejection from people stop me from believing enough in myself to be a better person inside and out. Because of that, I am a great wife, mom and person!

Be Blessed.
Angela

You're Not Just a Mom, You Are A Woman First!

My pretty mom & handsome dad with Aunna age 2.

So many times women get bogged down with the demands of children and hubby and forget to nurture their own needs, wants and interest.  You still have a brain, so it is important to carve out a few minutes a day to stimulate it.  Have you ever felt a little down, and you simply fixed your hair or put on your favorite out fit and felt better?  It is vitally important to do those little things that will make you feel and look better.  When mommy is happy and healthy, the entire house is also.  I am so thankful for the example I had growing up.  My mother was pleasant, fun, loving and patient, and she still is today.  Even though the demands of motherhood was great having 6 children to contend with and a husband, she never took her frustrations out on us.  I must admit, one of my fondest memories of growing up in our home is every night she would come in and check on us.  I always knew she was coming in the room because I could smell her perfume she would dash on after her evening soak. Oscar de la Renta!  She would have on a beautiful gown and look so pretty with her hair freshly combed ready for bed.  And to this day, if we stay over, she still comes in and checks on all of us and our children.

Seeing how my mother took care of us and tried to maintain her womanliness has become a way of life for me also.  Does this mean we have to look like a supermodel and be as brilliant as Einstein?  No, what it means is to not forget that you are important to!

Life Is Like A Great Cup of Starbucks

I have never been big on material things.  I like nice items, but do not require them to be happy, however, if I ever become wealthy, I will make sure I have an opulent amount of these two items:  Diamonds and Starbucks.   Diamonds make me feel and look so PRETTY and Starbucks beverages taste so yummy to me.  But since my money is not always compliant with my wants, I have to limit my access to both.  Today, I treated myself to my favorite Starbucks beverage, a Venti Soy Skinny Vanilla Latte with no Foam.  Since I usually have the children with me, I prefer to go to a Starbucks with drive thru service so I do not have to lug a four year old and a six month old.

I took my greatly anticipated first sip and it was very pleasing, however, being a "professional and seasoned" Starbucks drinker, I knew the trick to making my drink "more" perfect was simply to gently move the cup in a circular motion to mix up all the espresso, soy and vanilla flavor.  My observant four year old asked me, "mommy, why are you stirring your coffee cup in a circle?"   I told her that it would help mix all the ingredients better and then I said, just like in life!    She did not question me so I was able to explore that revelation in my mind.

You see, all the ingredients that make this drink so amazing were all added in the cup.  The temperature was perfectly hot, just the way I like it, but until I mixed it a little, the taste was not at my optimum satisfaction.  However, once I did a simple mix, all the flavors combined and heaven on earth was let loose.  Are there any areas in your life where God had to do some mixing or required you to do some mixing so that you could experience a desired outcome?  It may seem crazy to compare life to a delicious cup of Starbucks coffee, but it really is.  What daily ingredients are you mentally, emotionally, spiritually and socially combining in your cup of life that need to be stirred in or left out?  My desire is to have a daily cup of balance in every area of my life and I am sure you feel the same way.

Until Next Time, Be Blessed!
Angela

The "S" Word...Sacrifice!

The other day a dear friend of mine paid me a compliment. She told me I was a good mother, and coming from her, I knew she meant it, because Tracey does not waste her words throwing out insincere complements.  We continued our conversation with her asking if I ever thought about starting a child care service.  I told her that I did think about it in the past.  My friend and I proceeded to discuss how providing quality childcare can bring in a substantial amount of money per month, something I definitely could use.  Any other time, I would jump at the opportunity to start a business to make some extra cash, and my dear friend, being the "top hustler" would gladly help me bring it to pass.  However, this one time, I heard myself say something that showed me that I have made my peace with being a stay at home mom for right now.  I said, "Tracey, I could probably do a good job at being a child care provider, but with our baby being only 6 months old, I do not want to split my attention between her and other children."  Tracey, also being a mom totally understood my point of view.

Am I saying that women who run day cares while having their own little(s) there on site is wrong?    NO!!!!!  Matter of fact, I admire those women, like my friend Germain who runs a successful day care in Delaware and tends to her three young children.  What  our conversation reconfirmed is that parenting is a sacrifice in one area or another.  For me, it is in the area of living off of one income, thus not getting or living in a way that I would like to, but I know this sacrifice is only for a short season. No season last forever.  Spring, summer, winter and fall all have their proper times and purposes, and so does raising a family.

So what is my point?  What could you sacrifice for your child or children?  Could you turn off the television for 30 minutes when you come home and spend it talking to your child?  When was the last time you ate dinner as a family?  Could you sacrifice an hour over the weekend and do an new activity with your children and mate?  All these are areas that one could see as a sacrifice. I have noticed that most people want results, but are not willing to do what it takes to get the desired results.  Listen, we all want a easy, quick fix, but that does not exist, especially when it comes to raising children. 

So the take away from this blog is simply:  Being a parent, a great parent requires making sacrifices.  We can not live and make choices like we did prior to having children. Over commitment to things can cause unwanted stress and less time together as a family and always weigh the cost of all our decisions.

Until next time, be blessed!

Angela