Part 2 of Sex in the City 2 movie lesson

Moms, watch and hear how it pays to have other women you can be transparent to!

A Scene from Sex in the City 2 Helped Set Me Free!

Moms, please watch this short video from Sex in the City 2 of Miranda and Charlotte talking.  The words that Charlotte (the lady in the blue dress) clearly depicts what I have felt on many days about my two girls and I know many of you have felt also.  I remember going to the movie theater seeing this when it first came out and I sat in that chair and cried.  I thought, "finally, someone is saying what I am feeling!"

The other day when I was surfing the tv channels, I saw this movie was on and prayed that I did not miss this scene.  I recorded it and kept playing it over and over again.  The fact is, being a mom is hard at times and the trials we face transcend color. We moms are a sisterhood and it is important that you have someone you can confide in without feeling shame or guilt.

Enjoy this video clip and lets have a dialoug about it.

Make Up Application in Less Than 10 Minutes!

A Complement A Day, Keeps the Doctor Away!

I have always prided myself on my ability and desire to uplift others around me, regardless if they are foe or friend.  I am always surprised at the responses I often get from some women when I give them a complement.  Most say thank you, but as if they are shocked that another female would actually voice that sentiment.

Moms, we better than anyone have those days where we may not think we look or feel our best, and how the slightest kind word can be an uplifting experience.  Last month I was having one of those days.  I had been with the children all day, and they had wore me OUT! I was also doing the bills and wondering if the people at the bank were "punking" me or if the balance stated really was correct.  "Lord, how are we going to meet our monthly obligation?"  My stress level was at 1,000 and I was having anxiety attacks.  Time hubby came home from work, I rushed out the door to pay a bill and capture a few moments of solitude.  When I walked into the bill place, a noticed a gorgeous Latina  around the age of 25.  I made a mental note to tell her how gorgeous she was right after I finished handling business.  Well, right when she was finishing up my transaction, she looked at me and said, "Ms. You are Beautiful!"

I looked up with the same look that so many women usually give me when I complement them.   I was also taken aback because I was not feeling that beautiful.  Most days I try to put on my favorite pair of jeans, do my hair in a way that makes me feel sexy and sleek and apply a little make up.  Well, that is all I did that day.  No frills or thrills, short do and jeans.  I graciously thanked the young lady and continued to tell her how my day had been so hectic with the kids, bills, life, etc.  We talked a bit longer and I found out she, like myself was a Christian.

Just like her kind words help pick me up, yours can do the same for some woman also.  I am not saying to throw out complements that are not sincere.  I just want people to be more aware of the power we all have to increase the joy in someones life.  If you find it hard to give complements, for whatever reason, pray and ask God to help you see areas where your words can help transcend another person, particularly another female.  Female jealousy is crazy and unnecessary.  We must be one another support.

Love you all,

Angela

All About Me!!!!

The other night I was laying in my bed thinking about something very important.  I was thinking about who else, MYSELF!  I have come to realize that in my quest to better myself, I have become innocently SELF CENTERED!  I truly believe that God will do His part, but we have a role to play in our growth and progress.  However, in many areas of my life, I have allowed self-help to have more focus than relying on God for His help. There has to be a balance between working on self and allowing ones self to consume the majority of our thoughts and motives.

I in no wise thought that in my quest to not live in the past, think more positive about life and myself, to live in the moment, and to forgive myself, would  put me in the habit of thinking and focusing on me.  When I say selfish, I do not mean selfish in the sense that all I care about is me and to heck with others.  Actually, the whole point of me wanting to better myself in every area of my life is so I can be a better asset to the world around me.

Self help has its proper place, but lets not edge out the ultimate helper, GOD!  Due to my desire to better my self, in many cases I have taken the responsibility of handling areas in my life that I should really give over to God.  As a self proclaimed perfectionist and controller, I really need to rely more on God and His word and less on self help books and motivational speeches.  Now some of you may be saying, "how can you feel this way Angela, when you do motivational speaking, and life coaching."  Well quite simple, because in all my self help work, I learned this about myself. Pretty ironic huh?

The take away, do the work that you can do, but make sure you allow God to be Sovereign!

Love you all!

Angela

Mommy bonding while hair weaving!

Its OK to Feel Tired of Being Mommy!

Are You the Same Woman You Use to Be?

Earlier today I was watching one of my favorite, "feel good women" television shows, Say Yes to the Dress! The pretty, fabulous gowns, but more than that, I love to see how putting on the right style wedding dress can totally transform a woman's self esteem and complement her curves and positive assets. The part that really grabbed my attention is when the sales consultant ask the bride to tell how she met her fiance.  While she is telling her story, photos of the happy couple are shown.  On today's episode, the couple looked so happy and hopeful, and then my mind traveled back to my life before children.  The carefree life that allowed me to come and go as I pleased and not have to spend every waking moment making sure others needs were met over mine.

The brides to be and their fiances had a spark in their eyes in those photos. Then I began to think, do I still have that spark?  To be quite honest, I must say no.  I think, matter of fact, I know that I have allowed mommy hood to sap my adventurous, spontaneous, fun loving side.  I have become much more serious, stringent, and in my opinion..........BORING!

So what do I do?   I take one day at a time and embrace my new life.  My identity is not "Angela the mom."  I am still Angela, the woman, I just happen to have two children who are here to enhance my life, and I theirs. I may not have the freedom  that I use to have, but that is OK.  I just have to think of more creative ways to embrace my fun, spontaneous side.  My outside obligations may have changed, but my heart and soul have actually grown due to this amazing and equally scary experience as a mommy.

The take away, its okay to look back, but it is better to relish in the present and prepare for a better future!

Love you all,
Angela

"Take A Walk Down Memory Lane!"

 The other day a dear friend and I were briefly reminiscing on our undergraduate days.  She and I have known one another since the age of 18 and now I am 42 years old!  I love that our friendship has stood the test of time.  After we got off the phone, I allowed my mind to take a trip down memory lane all the way to when I was a little girl.  As I did that, I found a pattern that I am very proud of.  I realized that I have accomplished a lot that I should be extremely proud of and also that I am a leader!  

As mothers, we find ourselves so busy motivating and encourage others, till we sometimes forget to pat our own backs.  I am proud of how I held leadership positions in high school.   I am proud of the various Orchestras and Symphonic bands I played the flute and tuba in.  I am proud of being the President of the Association of Black Collegians when I was a junior at Penn State University. I am proud of the times I chose to leave relationships that were unhealthy and choose a better path.  I am proud that on May 30^th 2006, at my heaviest weight of 318 lbs., I took control of my weight once and for all and had gastric bypass surgery.  I am proud of swallowing my fears and moving to various cities in pursuit of purpose.  I am proud of how I took a chance at love and wound up with a precious husband and gorgeous daughters.  And I am proud of the woman, wife and mother I am today. 

Age 42 is a far cry from 18, and although those high school and college days were amazing, I know that my latter years will be greater than my former!  Moms, take a walk down memory lane and give yourself permission to be proud!  Stick your chest out and share that sense of pride with your children.  Stop dwelling on the mistakes of the past and relish on your accomplishments and future.

Love you!

Mommy CEO!

As I sit here at the dining room table at 8:30 in the morning trying to multi-task working on the laptop, calling and setting up doctor appointments, calling bill places to pay bills and/or set up payment arrangements, as well as stopping to change diapers, do laundry, vacuum, mop, dust, wash dishes, bathe children, instruct home school lessons, transport kids to ballet, library and other activities, feed hungry kids, and discipline their frequent acts of rebellion, I realized something……. I am running a corporation here!

When I was in the workforce, I help various leadership roles.  I lead, oversaw, disciplined, instructed, encouraged, and assisted the staff under me.  I had to form and set up relationships, collaborations, and deals with outside contributors, investors and vendors.  I was the face of the organizations department that I oversaw and was responsible for their professional well being and maturation.  I had to assist in goal setting, budgeting, facilitating, implementing, creating, and orchestrating the financial, social, and political foundation and structure of the company or organization. When something went wrong, it was me who my superiors looked at and held accountable.  Besides being there for my staff, I had to also try to carve out some time to replenish my spirit, soul and body.

Sounds a lot like being a mommy, particularly for me, an at home mom.  So for all you moms who may be at home with the children, please do not see your job as simply a mom, you are the Founder, CEO and President of your own Company!    Running a home takes patience, intelligence, planning, time management, wit, strategy and creativity, just like running a business.

If you work outside the home, your task may be different from an at home moms, but you too work very hard to make sure your corporation is achieving its goals.   At the end of the day, our mommy objectives are to see our corporation (family) grow in every area of their lives.   

Gotta go now, I have two DISCRUNTLED workers.  One child is yelling at the top or her lungs and the other is throwing her morning snacks on the floor and smashing them into my hardwood floors.   

God help us all!

"I'm Just an At Home Mom!?"

"You have so much education, how can you waste it staying home with children?"  "You could be making tons of money, go to work and put those kids in daycare?" "I don't see how you can do it, being home with my kids all day would drive me crazy!"  If you have ever heard any of these statements, you are an At Home Mom just like I am.  For decades working moms have gotten a bum rap and at home moms have gotten bum raps also.  I am not here to down neither.  I want to encourage at home moms because I being one myself, know the day to day struggles, joys, challenges and responsibilities that come with this position. 

Let me begin by stating that I have always wanted to stay home with my children until they reached elementary school age.  I have AMAZING memories of my toddler and childhood because my mother too was an at home mom.  I felt a constant sense of protection, safety, support and confidence. (Please hear me and do not think I am saying that only kids with at home moms have fond memories and a sense of comfort, and confidence because I am not. I am simply sharing my story.) 

If you are an at home mom, I want you to know that it is okay to enjoy this season you are in.  At first I HATED being home with our first child because I felt like I was being useless.  For decades I pursued higher education and then I wake up and my life was full of pampers, breast feeding and housework.  My mind kept telling me I was not contributing to society or to my home.  It took four years for me to realize that not only do I enjoy being home with my children, but it is OK for me to enjoy it.  I am not wasting my time or my life.  I am using every last bit of education I have acquired everyday I teach and instruct my children.  My outlook has changed, thus making me an even better at home mom, wife and person.

Is the job exhausting?  YES.  Is it thankless at times because a baby can not verbally say, "thanks for changing my poop!"  Of course it is thankless and even lonely at times.  The reality is with every blessing comes an obstacle!  My daily truth is many times, by the end of the day, I do not have the energy to talk, walk or think, but when I walk into their rooms at night to make sure they are under the covers, I still can not believe that God has given me this life.  This season of being home with Aunna and Lillian will not be forever.  Like winter changes to summer, so too will my girls grow up and be able to wipe, feed, clean, wash, organize, prepare, and live life more independently.  So until that day comes, and it is coming VERY soon, I will Carpe Diem, seize the day!

So the next time you hear someone say, "how can you give up your dreams and stay home with your kids," tell them what I tell them, I never gave up my dream, I am living it!

 Dear God, please bless all moms with wisdom, patience, and understanding.  In Jesus Name, Amen.




























Has it been easy being an at home mom?  HECK NO!    Unless you are wealthy, you will learn very quickly to live off of less.  5 years ago when we found out I was pregnant, we were also shopping around for a home. Living in Maryland, as many of you know is expensive.  Knowing my desire to be at home with the baby, I had to humble myself and also be realistic in what we could afford.  So, we decided to purchase a mobile home and live there for 3three years to safe up.  That was a hard pill for me to swallow because I was not ready to place my "bugie" body in a mobile home.  But I am glad we did this.  Today, we no longer live in a mobile home and live in a gorgeous place in North Carolina.

I am thankful that my husband is able to carry the financial weight of living off of one income. 

I use to feel guilty for taking great pride in taking care of the kids and home.  I felt like what would others think if they knew that Master degree holding, professional Angela really liked mopping the kitchen floor in

The impact it had on me was profound and I wanted the same for my children. When dating, I would present that question to the guy to see where his head was in reference to his wife being an at home mom for a time.  Thankfully my husband had no issue with it at all.  Acutally, in his own words he said, "I would prefer it because it would also give me a sense of peace knowing that my children are ok!"

The Abused Bride of Christ

As a Christian God refers to us as His Bride.  If you think about a bride, you see an image of a beautiful female beaming with glee and excitement as she glides down the runner in a gorgeous white gown, long train and a smile that ignites fire in her grooms heart and soul.  But what do you see when you look in the mirror at yourself if you are a Christian, Gods bride?

Many Christians have been mistreated, used, talked about, run down, lied on and mentally and emotionally abused by others in the body of Christ.  These kinds of hurts go deep down to the very depths of ones soul and can cause people to run away from the church or even turn their hearts away from God.  One thing to remember is that Christians are not perfect!  From the pulpit to the pews, all of us are imperfect and have our own issues, strongholds, and generational "stuff" to deal with.  It is devastating to be misunderstood, misquoted or misjudged by someone in leadership in a church, but the real question is, what are you going to do now that you have been abused and mistreated?

If you have ever felt like you are or were in a spiritually manipulated, emotionally and mentally abusive church situation, do not let it push you away from God!  Do not allow bitterness, hatred, strife, gossip or strife to overtake you. There are some steps you can take to get through it:

1. Tell God about it and be honest about how you feel.  
2. If God leads you to talk to the person bringing on the offense and abuse, do so.   You may want to bring a third party in who will act as a mediator and is unbias.
3. Depending on how the conversation went, if you felt like you got a resolve, and desire to stay in the church, do so without gossip or back biting or bitterness.  If you did not get a reasonable resolve and after much thought and prayer feel it is time to move on, then do so with grace not slandering those who abused you.  

At the end of the day, we must use EVERY situation as a learning tool and opportunity to grow from. As a mom, the healthier we are mentally, emotionally, spiritually and socially, the better a parent we can be.

If you would like to hear this teaching in it's entirety, you can order the CD titled, "The Abused Bride of Christ".  Contact me at abjconsultingllc@gmail.com

Take a GOOD look at Your Kids, You Might Be Surprised at What You See!

 
Very early yesterday morning, I found myself at the Pediatric hospital in North Carolina consoling my 4 year old.  She woke with a very high fever, a chronic cough and tons of tears rolling down her red, flushed face.  I had been trying to doctor her cold myself for two days, but when I rubbed my hand across her forehead and it felt as if steam was permeating from her pores, I knew I had to swing into high gear.  While at the hospital, I got to see Aunna in a different light.  Even though she was sick, she was still very polite, pleasant and of course, talkative to all the nurses, doctor and workers.  Matter of fact, she asked more questions than I did.  When we were in the examining room, she lay on the bed and engaged the nurses with an abundance of intelligent and inquisitive questions.  I sat in the chair next to her and said to myself, "WOW, Aunna is a COOL kid!" 

So many times we parents are sooooooo busy, cooking, cleaning, working, transporting, disciplining, and training our children, especially when they are young, till we do not take the time to see just how cool and amazing our children are.  I always knew that Aunna was intelligent, bright, articulate and precocious for her age, but having to sit at the hospital gave me the time to really SEE her!  If Aunna is this amazing now, I can not wait to see how she will be at age 7, age 14, age 18 and adulthood.  For the first time I realized that she is not just my daughter, she is a full fledged  human being, an individual person!

So moms, take some time from all the daily task and see just how cool your children are.  

I Don't Have to Be PERFECT, Just FORGIVEN!

This one sentence hit me like a ton of bricks.  I was sitting outside my husband’s job waiting for him to get off work.  All day, heck, all week, no,  for the past two years I have been telling myself how I am such a terrible wife to this man who loves me like a fat kid loves cake.  He is so patient, kind, loving, attentive, affectionate and understanding, yet day after day I find myself lashing out at him for no reason.  Why the hell am I so angry, impatient, snappy and down right “female doggish” (trying to cut down on cursing, but you know the word I want to use!)  Why am I mistreating this man?  Then it hit me!  I do the same to God when it comes to HIS love for me.  You see, my husband represents the love that God has for his people, and just like I find myself pushing away and/or sabotaging Gods love, I do the same with Larry, my precious earthly mate.

Why do I do this?  Do I feel unworthy or unforgiven?  Then it hit me, I have not forgiven myself and deep down do not feel worthy of either Gods love or my husbands.  All my life I have worked hard at achieving, but when it comes to Gods love, it is there for us without having to strive.  Does that mean we just veg out into a mental state of laziness and walk with our heads in the clouds?  NO, but what it does mean is that there is nothing we can do to get God to love us more or love us less.

Now those of you who know me must be saying; “How is it possible that you struggle with receiving Gods love?  You are a prayer warrior, encourager, counselor, etc.”  Well, the truth of the matter is I have always been able to see others greatness and abilities and love helping them reach their destiny.  But when it comes to me, I find myself filled with self-doubt, frustration and impatience, all rooted out of UNFORGIVENESS!

So, as I sit here waiting for my knight in shining armor to get off work, I realize that the reason I have not allowed myself to accept and receive Larry’s total love and adoration for me is the same reason I have not rested in that same kind of love from God…..  I am trying to be perfect when all God or my husband has ever asked from me is to forgive myself and receive from them.    Thank you God for this revelation.  May this revelation help all those who find themselves pushing away love rather than running to it.  Amen.

What if this is As Good As It Gets?

It is so easy to feel at your wits end as a mom.  One way I am learning to maximize this season of motherhood is to face each day as if this is as good as it will get.  Listen and be encouraged and blessed.

Love,
Angela

Our Children and Our Fears

Last night I could not sleep because my heart was heavy for parents who have missing children.  But thankfully God gave me some peace.  Listen and I pray it blesses you.

Angela

Part Two of Why Some of Us Can't Say NO!

Last week on this blog, we discussed how many individuals are people pleas ers.  As promised, this entry will cover the why behind those who struggle with this problem.  In my opinion, experience and professional trainings, many people who are "people pleas ers" are this way because:

1. They base a large portion of their self worth on others opinions
2.  They do not want others to misjudge, misunderstand or view them in a negative light
3. Think doing and being everything to everyone will ensure love, friendship and fill a deeper emotional or  spiritual void.

Lets address the first point of having ones self worth wrapped up in others opinions.  That is a trap that is easy to fall into, especially for those who may have endured deep rejection or abandonment in their life.  Years of this type of neglect can drive one to think they "need" people around them to be complete and whole.  The truth is, when you are not allowing yourself to be the "true" you, in your own eyes your own greatness will never truly shine through.

The second point deals with not wanting others to misjudge or misunderstand them.  On any given day I can fall into this category.  I HATE to be misunderstood!  This comes from when I was younger in my teens.  I was tall and overweight and people would ASSUME that just because I was big, that I was probably loud, mean, super strong and that nothing ever bothered me.  It always amazed me how most people felt that since I was physically large, that emotionally I did not hurt or feel like smaller females did.  Most people would even handle me rougher when they would greet me because of my size and statue.  Many males I knew would shove my arm or shoulder aggressively in a greeting.  I am sure they were not trying to hurt me, but heck, I was still a feminine, sweet, loving and sensitive female.  Actually I was probably more feminine than many of my smaller female counterparts.   So, due to the misjudging of how I really was, over the years I picked up the habit of always explaining myself and trying to do things so others would really see my heart and the real me.

Lastly, most people have some type of emotional and or spiritual void that they try to fill with a person, food, drugs, alcohol, shopping, movies, video games, etc.   It is human nature to have a void.  Matter of fact, I think God places that void in all of us so that HE and only HE can fill it!  However, until we know or even want to surrender that particular area to God, we will try to fill it with something.  If people are your "drug of choice", you are only short changing yourself!  The truth is, Yes, we do need to have loving, caring, honest relationships, but you should NEVER have to compromise who you are for them.

The take away is this.  If you fall within one of these categories of why you people please, you are not a lost case. The first step to recovery from any addiction is to admit that a problem exist.  We will discuss baby steps to freeing yourself from people pleasing in the next blog.  Until then, be blessed and thank you for all the input I received.

Blessing,
Angela. 

"No, that does not work for me at this time!"

I am not quite sure where my "people pleasing" type of personality came from.  Maybe it was birthed out of low self esteem and low self worth as a younger person.  Whatever the reason, I, at 42 years old know that it is OK to say yes to me and make choices that I feel are best for me.  For too long I found myself not wanting to disappoint someone or 'let someone down" by really saying or doing what I felt in my heart was best for me.  You know you are a people pleas er when you find yourself waving back and forth over choices and decisions before setting on one.  I believe it is perfectly normal and wise to weigh all your options, but it is not okay to base your final choice on how someone else will perceive you.

Whenever I choose to walk in people pleasing and make a decision that only makes the other person or persons happy, I have no peace and end up miserable.  The bottom line is when we are walking in people pleasing, we are not being people of integrity and honesty.  I had a life changing thought two weeks ago.... I must live a life of truth to myself and to others.  When I make choices solely so someone will feel happy or "proud"of me, I am being a liar to myself.   Why has it been so hard for me to tell some people, "NO, that does not work for me?"   I know the answer to that and will share it with you in the next blog. But what I want you to do before I give you my response is to search yourselves, and if you too suffer from "people pleasing," why do you think you do this?  All of our reasons may be different and only you can answer that.  Hopefully this will create a dialogue and you can share your reasons, thus each of us helping one another.

So the take away is simply, are you being true to you?