Part Two of Why Some of Us Can't Say NO!

Last week on this blog, we discussed how many individuals are people pleas ers.  As promised, this entry will cover the why behind those who struggle with this problem.  In my opinion, experience and professional trainings, many people who are "people pleas ers" are this way because:

1. They base a large portion of their self worth on others opinions
2.  They do not want others to misjudge, misunderstand or view them in a negative light
3. Think doing and being everything to everyone will ensure love, friendship and fill a deeper emotional or  spiritual void.

Lets address the first point of having ones self worth wrapped up in others opinions.  That is a trap that is easy to fall into, especially for those who may have endured deep rejection or abandonment in their life.  Years of this type of neglect can drive one to think they "need" people around them to be complete and whole.  The truth is, when you are not allowing yourself to be the "true" you, in your own eyes your own greatness will never truly shine through.

The second point deals with not wanting others to misjudge or misunderstand them.  On any given day I can fall into this category.  I HATE to be misunderstood!  This comes from when I was younger in my teens.  I was tall and overweight and people would ASSUME that just because I was big, that I was probably loud, mean, super strong and that nothing ever bothered me.  It always amazed me how most people felt that since I was physically large, that emotionally I did not hurt or feel like smaller females did.  Most people would even handle me rougher when they would greet me because of my size and statue.  Many males I knew would shove my arm or shoulder aggressively in a greeting.  I am sure they were not trying to hurt me, but heck, I was still a feminine, sweet, loving and sensitive female.  Actually I was probably more feminine than many of my smaller female counterparts.   So, due to the misjudging of how I really was, over the years I picked up the habit of always explaining myself and trying to do things so others would really see my heart and the real me.

Lastly, most people have some type of emotional and or spiritual void that they try to fill with a person, food, drugs, alcohol, shopping, movies, video games, etc.   It is human nature to have a void.  Matter of fact, I think God places that void in all of us so that HE and only HE can fill it!  However, until we know or even want to surrender that particular area to God, we will try to fill it with something.  If people are your "drug of choice", you are only short changing yourself!  The truth is, Yes, we do need to have loving, caring, honest relationships, but you should NEVER have to compromise who you are for them.

The take away is this.  If you fall within one of these categories of why you people please, you are not a lost case. The first step to recovery from any addiction is to admit that a problem exist.  We will discuss baby steps to freeing yourself from people pleasing in the next blog.  Until then, be blessed and thank you for all the input I received.

Blessing,
Angela.